Yard sales

(The following is a true story.)

A few years ago, my mom, my sister, my aunt and my cousin spent a day together shopping, eating and hitting yard sales. After consuming a few "pops," they were walking through the neighborhood and came upon a home with all sorts of items on the lawn.

Dressers, clocks, lamps, clothes ... there was a huge selection to look at. While they roamed the yard, they didn't really see anything they liked, but kept looking. They not-so-quietly cattily chatted back and forth ("who would want this?" ... "no, I don't like that at all" ... "what is that?" ..."oh, maybe I'd offer a dollar for it" ... "who'd buy any of this stuff? it's crap") while inspecting - and dissecting - every single item.

While they were looking through the belongings, the woman who owned the house was watching them from the porch. When they finally found something to buy, they took it up to her, asking how much she wanted for it.

The woman glared at the four of them. Her only response: "We're not having a yard sale. We're moving."

They haven't gone yard-saling since.

Trash and treasure

Yesterday, I spent the day cleaning around the house. I took a day off from work because I knew the "to do" list just wouldn't get done over the weekend. Except for the distraction of a "Stargate SG1" marathon on Sci Fi, I did a pretty good job at staying on task.

As I cleaned out the basement (picking up the last wrecked casualties of a recent mini-flood), I tossed out an old NESCO roaster. It was a bit dusty and cobwebbed, and it was missing the temperature knob on the front. I put it out to the road with a pile of other things for the next day's garbage pick-up. About 15 minutes later, when I was going to my car, I noticed the roaster was gone. Someone had stopped, looked at my pile of garbage, and decided it looked like a good deal.

Now, I don't begrudge anyone for taking it. It just felt odd to have someone take it from my yard like that (even though it was being thrown away) and so quickly after I put it out there (like they had been watching to see what goodies I didn't want). Strangely, they didn't take the broken garden hose that I also tossed out.

Thankfully, I don't know many of my neighbors and probably won't be invited over for a potluck. That would be awkward: "Hey, that roaster looks familiar ... why is there a painted bottle cap where the knob should be?"

Life without carbonation

I've been pop-free for 8 days.

Sure, it may seem like a small thing to some people, but it's really a big deal for me. No pop, no Slurpees, no mixed drinks. For those not familiar with "pop," perhaps you call it "soda" or "cola" - or some other weird variation on the theme. It's supposed to be called pop, for the record.

This past weekend, I drank about 10 to 12 glasses of water each day. I didn't really want it, but it kept me from bolting from the house and sticking my mouth under the fountain pop machine at the QD around the corner. The allure of hi fructose corn syrup is strong. Once she's got you hooked, she's a hard mistress to turn away. A dab of syrup, some all-forgiving carbonation and a pinch of flavor ... it's like the nectar of the gods. (And, in the case of the beloved Dr. Pepper, a pinch of 23 flavors. Mmmm....)

But, I'm on the end of the withdrawal. The shakes and cravings have stopped, and I'm not sitting in the parking lot of QD/Speedway/7-11 wondering if I can down a 44 oz. pop before I get home anymore. It will take a few more weeks to make sure that I've completely kicked the habit, but I'm hopeful I'll be strong enough this time.

What's the next poor eating habit I need to kick? Not sure ... I think one a season is the limit for me. Maybe I'll try to do away with chips in the fall.

Posture

I have bad posture when I'm sitting in a chair.

I never really noticed it while I was at the paper. I would sit on the edge of my seat at council/board meetings, ready to bolt as soon as the closing gavel hit the table. There was always a deadline looming (well, as much as there is for a weekly paper) or another meeting to run off to cover. When I was in the newsroom, I would fidget in my chair or see how far back I could lean and somehow balance evenly. Yes, I tend to get easily distracted.

Sitting in meetings now, I find myself still sitting like that, as if I have a deadline to hit. I'm in PR, and there's no real rush nowadays - and I have to remind myself that I have to stay for the entire meeting. No fake cell phone calls to get me out anymore.

Yesterday, I looked around to see how other people were sitting. Apparently, I was the only one in the room sitting like a basketball coach, ready to jump up at the next bad call from the ref. I tried to sit up, using the entire seat, with my back fully against the back of the chair and shoulders straight. That felt really weird, though, and I ended up slouching down again without realizing it.

I wonder if I can use some educational credits to enroll in a posture class ...

Missed reunions and photos

Well, my high school reunion was last weekend. I didn't go, but the organizers did send a "reunion update" book via e-mail. I missed the deadline to give an update on what I've been doing for the last 20 years, but it was nice to read about a lot of my classmates.

Surprisingly, many of them look the same as they did in high school. Well, at least to me - I might be seeing them as they were, though, instead of how they look now. That makes me wonder if they'd see me as I was 20 years ago or if they'd see me as I really look now. (I'm not sure if that's me being introspective or just a stray thought because I'm starving right now.)

Or maybe they just have really good Photoshop skills they utilized before submitting their photos.

Humidity and alien dangers

It's been horrifically humid lately. While today seems a bit cooler, the last 2 weeks have been a blanket of humid weather the likes of which I've never seen. Even when the temp was only in the high 70s, the stifling humidity made it feel like you were swimming through an ocean of boiling water instead of walking outdoors.

There were times I actually had to push myself forward in order to move because of the oppressive atmosphere.

Yesterday, all I could think about was an old episode of "The Challenge of the Superfriends" - the Legion of Doom tricked the Justice League of America into turning the surface of the Earth into a super-heated swamp to make it habitable for the evil Fearians from the planet Venus. (Luckily, the JLA was able to thwart the scheme, in case you were worried about the outcome.)

I don't think the humid weather is an alien plot but, then again, I can't say for certain that it isn't.

And yes, in case you're wondering, everything and everyone that I encounter in my adult life can be related back to a television show or movie. Seriously.

Yard work

I'm not the best at keeping up with my yard work. My dad generally shakes his head sadly whenever he visits, dismayed that his son never picked up on his love for yard maintenance.

Every summer, I plan to change. I buy the right products and equipment, and I set a regular schedule for regular yard work. Unfortunately, those plans all go to heck almost immediately. However, I do tend to do the minimum to keep the yard looking at least semi-presentable.

That all serves as the preamble to my story: Last weekend, I cleaned up some bushes/plants/weeds with the trimmer and weedwhacker. (Yes - bushes, plants and weeds all look alike to me. I'm not proud of that, it's just the truth.) When I cleaned the same area last year, I was covered in itchy blotches from some kind of poison oak or vine. This year, I didn't break out for 4 days. I figured I was in the clear but, over the last two days, the telltale itching has started. It is a torturous nightmare.

This could be a good excuse for me to stop doing yard work all-together. Somehow, though, I don't think that reasoning will change that look of disappointment from my dad when he comes to visit.

End of heroism

I saw the new "Incredible Hulk" movie last weekend. While better than the Ang Lee movie, this version was lacking something important to the original comic book story: Heroism.

In the original comic book origin (reflecting the Cold War), Bruce Banner was a scientist working to develop a Gamma bomb for the US Army. When a teenager goes onto the testing field, Banner risks his life to save the boy. He stops the countdown and runs out to move the teen to safety. When the countdown resumes due to a double agent, Banner gets the boy to safety and is bombarded by the gamma radiation.

In the movie (much like the earlier TV program), Banner is a scientist who develops a gamma machine and tests it on himself. In this movie version, it's the result of a Super Soldier study being done by the Army's General Ross.

By eliminating Banner's sacrifice - putting the teen's safety before his own - he is no longer a hero. Instead, he's a sad sack who just has incredibly bad luck. There's no reason to root for him - he's a dangerous fugitive.

The origin is largely taken from Marvel's "Ultimate" universe instead of the mainstream Marvel Universe created by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby and the other creators in the '60s. This Ultimate universe has no real heroes and is, instead, a world of amorality where there's not much difference between the good guys and bad guys. While popular with the ever-aging readership, writers such as Mark Millar and Brian Michael Bendis showcase the worst traits of humanity, writing a world where there the villains are cool and the heroes don't even attempt to be truly heroic.

A large part of the problem is that so many in the current crop of writers (in TV, movies, music, entertainment - including comic books) grew up reading what they now write. In the past, writers would have been familiar with classic literature. Today, it's more important to have in-jokes and clever asides than to write a coherent and meaningful story.

Tony Snow

This past weekend, Tony Snow died. For those of you who don't know, he was a journalist and former White House Press Secretary. I never knew him personally, but I always enjoyed watching him on TV, listening to him on the radio and reading his columns in the newspaper.

As a journalist, there aren't too many people you can look up to in the industry. Snow, though, was definitely a role model for me. I always enjoyed listening him when he was a regular guest host on the Rush Limbaugh radio program - I actually enjoyed his delivery more than Limbaugh's. The same is true for his recent fill-ins on Bill O'Reilly's radio program - he was just easy to listen to and more enjoyable (for me) than the regular host. Too often, the political debate becomes a personal soapbox where the host's ego gets in the way of making a point. I never got that feeling listening to Snow - he was always on target and had an amazing way of crafting an argument.

When he started the Fox News Sunday program, I was a faithful viewer. Here was a Midwest guy talking to all of the political power players, and he made it seem so easy. There wasn't that East or West Coast haughtiness that you hear in the voices of most TV hosts. He seemed like the guy you'd meet at the grocery store and could chat about anything.

When I became a reporter and (later) an editor, I'd take my best stab at writing opinion columns. While my columns about personal issues came easy, the political ones were always a challenge. Having a discussion with someone on a a topic is much different than being able to write a convincing opinion piece. Whether it was in his columns or the monologue at the end of his TV show, though, Snow had a way of combining policy with personality that few could match.

I was very excited when he took over as press secretary. Now was the time for someone to push back against the press corps - someone who could answer the questions and match wits with them. On the rare occasions I would be able to listen to the press conferences, I felt like I was watching a hockey game - waiting for the gloves to drop and a verbal fistfight to begin. Unfortunately, his battle with cancer cut short his time at the White House, but he set a new standard while he was there.

Sadly, the Associated Press took the opportunity to slam Snow even when they were writing about his death. The snide comments directed at him were completely unprofessional and made me glad I'm no longer in the news business. It's too bad those "reporters" couldn't have taken a page from Snow's book and at least attempt to perform their job with the kind of class he always showed.

Exercise and meal plans

According to the plan I wrote a few months ago, I am now well into my new eating/exercise regimen. As part of the plan, I am now riding a bicycle to work every other day, walking for a half-hour during lunch and have completely stopped drinking pop. Whew.

It's amazing how quickly plans can be derailed.

To say I've fallen off the wagon would be an understatement. There's a reason I haven't seen my cardiologist in ... 3 1/2 years. (I still have the appointment card in my wallet, which I just checked.) At the time, I was told I had to lose a bit of weight. Since I failed to do so, I canceled my checkup and haven't been back since. Not the best way to deal with my failure, I know.

On the plus side, I did buy a bicycle. I've ridden it four times. My next step is to visit a local exercise facility to investigate the possibility of working out there. I don't want to jump into things and exercise right away - this is more of a long-term planning opportunity.

I wonder if it's too late to sign up for next season's "Biggest Loser" ...

Insomnia

I couldn't sleep last night. Too many things racing through my mind and the weather being unnaturally warm both contributed to yest another sleepless night.

I'm sure some people do wonderous things when they have insomnia: Invent new technology, cure disease, write novels. For me, though ... I just watch TV. Despite having DirecTV and cable, there really isn't much on at 3am, though. That doesn't stop me from watching "Unbeatable Banzuke," "Truth or Scare" and old cartoons on Boomerang ... oh, and whatever reruns are on Food Network.

Last night, I wasn't in the mood to watch anything so I channel-surfed for 4 or 5 hours. While it gets repetitive, it's better if you make a game out of it. Try to find the same commercials airing slightly out of sync on two or more channels. (The mind goes a bit batty after too many nights without sleep.)

I've had insomnia for as long as I can remember, so I'm sure I'll be up again tonight or tomorrow watching Popeye battle Bluto and seeing if the Neko de Drive challenge can ever be completed.

At least I'll have something to watch.

Workplace dangers

Our office smells like burning rubber this morning. Combined with the lack of noticeable air conditioning, it's a bit concerning to my fellow office dwellers.

There's no sign the smell is toxic, but I like to believe that it is. I feel that if you always look for the worst possible outcome, there's a good chance that you'll be pleasantly surprised in life.

I think it's time to check out a laptop and work out under a tree somewhere on campus. Hmm, or maybe I could convince a few co-workers to make a trip to my favorite wi-fi destination - which opens in a couple of short hours.

Decisions, decisions ...