... and I'm all out of bubblegum

What do you do when your cardiologist tells you to lose 50 pounds? Well, if you're me, you stop going to the cardiologist.

Heart issues run in the family, which is why I see a cardiologist. I've had tests run on me a few times, and it all seems to be A-OK for the most part. Sticking to an exercise routine, though, has not been one of the successes of my adult life. Some poor eating habits, combined with a lot of driving around town when I was a reporter, have led to a waistline that seems to be ever-expanding.

While most people tend to say, "Oh no, you don't need to lose 50," I do look at the scale and I know what weight I'm supposed to hit. Looking at the scale doesn't equate doing something about it, though. I eat fairly healthily, but that isn't cutting it without some kind of serious exercise. I've made commitments in the past - joined a gym (twice), took boxing lessons (not to fight, just to get in shape), but excuses always crop up.

The mirror - or, at least, how I see my reflection - doesn't help. I'm not sure if it's a mental issue or just an inability to see reality, but what I see looks much different than what shows up in photos. Which, of course, is why I rarely allow my photo to be taken.

Will I be able to stick to a workout routine?

Will I actually lose the 50 pounds and be able to make another cardiologist appointment?

Will I be able to shop at one of those weird "for skinny men only" stores?

Let's see how the next few weeks go.

Odds and ends

It's strange to see a grown man throw a full-blown prima donna fit. We've come to expect it on reality TV shows, but I never thought I'd see one in person. Understandably, if you're always told how great you are and your entourage is surrounding you to keep your ego inflated, I suppose that kind of behavior is OK. Still seems odd to me, though ...

My grocery-store cashier this weekend was friendly enough, but I learned way too much about her in the course of a few minutes. She's 62, her mom died at 63 and her dad died at 62; her husband refuses to cut out sugar even though he's diabetic; her sister-in-law died from a disease that causes her blood to create clots; her nieces and nephews have now been diagnosed with the same condition; and her husband refuses to lay off of the red meat. It was a long few minutes.

The return of the turtle

Claude "The Turtle" Lemieux returns to the Joe tonight, when the Sharks come to town to play the Red Wings. It's not the same Turtle - he's older, no longer one of the Avs and is attempting a career comeback - but for many Wings fans, he will always be hated.

For those who don't remember, Lemieux took a cheap shot to the head of Chris Draper during the 1996 playoffs. That cowardly hit left Drapes with a concussion and a broken jaw, cheek and orbital bones - those injuries required extensive reconstructive surgery. The next year (proving the adage "revenge is a dish best served cold"), Darren McCarty pummeled Lemieux during a slobberknocker of a game which had 18 major penalties for fighting and large patches of blood painting the ice. Even the goalies - Vernon and Roy - got into the bloody melee, much to the delight of the Hockeytown fans.

In case you missed the sheer beauty of the March 26, 1997 game, here are some highlights:



I'll watch tonight's game and will boo along with those in attendance each time Lemieux steps on the ice. Welcome back, Turtle.

I like this economist's plan

This plan, while it would never actually be implemented, makes a lot more sense than the "stimulus" bill coming from the feds.

I want to be like Jake Tapper when I grow up.

'Nuff said.

Local TV

It's winter in Michigan, so it must be time for continuous traffic weather reports. While I understand the desire to have on-location shots (it makes for better TV), I wish the "reporters" would at least make an effort.

Here's a tip for our local TV personalities: We know where your station is located. We can tell - just from seeing you on TV - that you're standing in your freakin' parking lot. The road behind you doesn't make you look more adventurous. It's good for a laugh in the morning, though. You stand outside, all bundled up in your carefully-chosen outfit, pretending as if you've been out in the cold for hours. In reality, you just stepped outdoors a couple of minutes ago, and you will hop back inside your studio as soon as your 30 second airtime is up.

Oh, and why did I state "reporter" in quotes? Because you're a TV personality, not a reporter. We all know it, and you'll feel much better if you just admit it to yourself.

More randomness

It's always funny to hear people talk about "stopping the hate" and then hearing them tear into a vicious diatribe against someone on the other side of the political aisle. Do they even realize they are hypocrites?

"Too many cooks spoil the broth." That's a motto that I will have painted onto the walls when I get my new office. I'm not sure if anyone will heed my new motto - which I also might have tattooed onto my arm - but it will help me relax when the next debacle occurs.

What's more important: Excitement or stability? It's pretty much a given that you can't have both. That's a question best left for the bar, I think, when I've had a few more whiskey & cokes.

I'm putting this online just so I actually follow through on it. I'm joining a gym and will sign up for private lessons. Boxing lessons, to be specific - hilarity should ensure. I envision something more along the lines of "Rabbit Punch" instead of "Rocky," though.

The fall of journalism

This U.S. media failed its readers, viewers and listeners during this election season. While one side of the political aisle was questioned and taken to task, the other was given a pass. How will this play out in the future? Well, Chris Matthews has already said: "I want to do everything I can to make this thing work, this new presidency work." That doesn't sound like scrutiny and truth-seeking will be a part of his new mission.

Michael Malone looked at the media's coverage during the election: http://abcnews.go.com/Business/Story?id=6099188&page=1

Victor Davis Hanson has an even less optimistic view of the future of American journalism: http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=OGFhOWY3YTZkMzliYjFjYTlkMjNjMGNhMTc3ZjYyMWM=&w=MA==

This election was an embarrassment for journalism. Let's see if the media will step up to the challenge and use their platforms responsibly.

Random comments

Note to guy walking across campus in a suit and flip-flops: Buy some shoes.

Scooters should use the bike path, not the road lanes. Seriously - my SUV trumps your scooter, and you just can't go fast enough.

I'm amazed at how jay-walkers and jay-bikers think that if they don't look at you, then they're not going to be caught. Sorry, but this isn't philosophy class: the world really does still exist even if it's not in your immediate line-of-sight.

I made the mistake of going back to the cardiologist for a check-up. Here's a free tip: When a doctor says, "For a man in your situation ..." it's time to run from the room. Medication, blood tests and an all-morning stress test next week. I'm in hell.

Dreams and work

I had a weird dream last night that I had gone back to work for the newspaper. It was pretty vivid, too, with me coming into the office and taking back my editor spot at both papers, with the current editor sputtering and freaking out that I had returned.

Now, as much as I loved being a reporter, I am very happy where I am. When I left the paper, I was nervous to start over somewhere else. On top of that, there was the "sell-out factor." If you leave journalism to take a job in PR, you're seen as a sell-out by those still in the newspaper business. Now that I'm on the other side, I see it as an expansion of what I had been doing.

The other point is that Gannett, where I used to work, is in rough financial shape. They're cutting jobs left and right, and there will be more cuts coming by the end of the months. I have the utmost respect for (most) of my former co-workers and I wish them the best, but I can't work someplace that isn't stable.

In dreamland, however, it's fun to go back and hassle the newsroom ...

Naps are good

Difficult meeting today – mainly because I couldn't keep my eyes open.

We had been shooting a video most of the day, and sitting down after 7 hours of walking around hit pretty hard. When I wasn’t in on the discussion, I tried to play with my phone or find something else to distract me.

It didn’t work, though, and I dozed off a few times during the course of the meeting. Hopefully, not too many people noticed. It’s not like I did the full-out snoring (like a certain editor I used to work with), so I’m hoping it wasn’t too obvious.

If it was, I’m sure my fellow Communications Office staffer will be glad to let me know on Monday morning.

Yard sales

(The following is a true story.)

A few years ago, my mom, my sister, my aunt and my cousin spent a day together shopping, eating and hitting yard sales. After consuming a few "pops," they were walking through the neighborhood and came upon a home with all sorts of items on the lawn.

Dressers, clocks, lamps, clothes ... there was a huge selection to look at. While they roamed the yard, they didn't really see anything they liked, but kept looking. They not-so-quietly cattily chatted back and forth ("who would want this?" ... "no, I don't like that at all" ... "what is that?" ..."oh, maybe I'd offer a dollar for it" ... "who'd buy any of this stuff? it's crap") while inspecting - and dissecting - every single item.

While they were looking through the belongings, the woman who owned the house was watching them from the porch. When they finally found something to buy, they took it up to her, asking how much she wanted for it.

The woman glared at the four of them. Her only response: "We're not having a yard sale. We're moving."

They haven't gone yard-saling since.

Trash and treasure

Yesterday, I spent the day cleaning around the house. I took a day off from work because I knew the "to do" list just wouldn't get done over the weekend. Except for the distraction of a "Stargate SG1" marathon on Sci Fi, I did a pretty good job at staying on task.

As I cleaned out the basement (picking up the last wrecked casualties of a recent mini-flood), I tossed out an old NESCO roaster. It was a bit dusty and cobwebbed, and it was missing the temperature knob on the front. I put it out to the road with a pile of other things for the next day's garbage pick-up. About 15 minutes later, when I was going to my car, I noticed the roaster was gone. Someone had stopped, looked at my pile of garbage, and decided it looked like a good deal.

Now, I don't begrudge anyone for taking it. It just felt odd to have someone take it from my yard like that (even though it was being thrown away) and so quickly after I put it out there (like they had been watching to see what goodies I didn't want). Strangely, they didn't take the broken garden hose that I also tossed out.

Thankfully, I don't know many of my neighbors and probably won't be invited over for a potluck. That would be awkward: "Hey, that roaster looks familiar ... why is there a painted bottle cap where the knob should be?"

Life without carbonation

I've been pop-free for 8 days.

Sure, it may seem like a small thing to some people, but it's really a big deal for me. No pop, no Slurpees, no mixed drinks. For those not familiar with "pop," perhaps you call it "soda" or "cola" - or some other weird variation on the theme. It's supposed to be called pop, for the record.

This past weekend, I drank about 10 to 12 glasses of water each day. I didn't really want it, but it kept me from bolting from the house and sticking my mouth under the fountain pop machine at the QD around the corner. The allure of hi fructose corn syrup is strong. Once she's got you hooked, she's a hard mistress to turn away. A dab of syrup, some all-forgiving carbonation and a pinch of flavor ... it's like the nectar of the gods. (And, in the case of the beloved Dr. Pepper, a pinch of 23 flavors. Mmmm....)

But, I'm on the end of the withdrawal. The shakes and cravings have stopped, and I'm not sitting in the parking lot of QD/Speedway/7-11 wondering if I can down a 44 oz. pop before I get home anymore. It will take a few more weeks to make sure that I've completely kicked the habit, but I'm hopeful I'll be strong enough this time.

What's the next poor eating habit I need to kick? Not sure ... I think one a season is the limit for me. Maybe I'll try to do away with chips in the fall.

Posture

I have bad posture when I'm sitting in a chair.

I never really noticed it while I was at the paper. I would sit on the edge of my seat at council/board meetings, ready to bolt as soon as the closing gavel hit the table. There was always a deadline looming (well, as much as there is for a weekly paper) or another meeting to run off to cover. When I was in the newsroom, I would fidget in my chair or see how far back I could lean and somehow balance evenly. Yes, I tend to get easily distracted.

Sitting in meetings now, I find myself still sitting like that, as if I have a deadline to hit. I'm in PR, and there's no real rush nowadays - and I have to remind myself that I have to stay for the entire meeting. No fake cell phone calls to get me out anymore.

Yesterday, I looked around to see how other people were sitting. Apparently, I was the only one in the room sitting like a basketball coach, ready to jump up at the next bad call from the ref. I tried to sit up, using the entire seat, with my back fully against the back of the chair and shoulders straight. That felt really weird, though, and I ended up slouching down again without realizing it.

I wonder if I can use some educational credits to enroll in a posture class ...

Missed reunions and photos

Well, my high school reunion was last weekend. I didn't go, but the organizers did send a "reunion update" book via e-mail. I missed the deadline to give an update on what I've been doing for the last 20 years, but it was nice to read about a lot of my classmates.

Surprisingly, many of them look the same as they did in high school. Well, at least to me - I might be seeing them as they were, though, instead of how they look now. That makes me wonder if they'd see me as I was 20 years ago or if they'd see me as I really look now. (I'm not sure if that's me being introspective or just a stray thought because I'm starving right now.)

Or maybe they just have really good Photoshop skills they utilized before submitting their photos.

Humidity and alien dangers

It's been horrifically humid lately. While today seems a bit cooler, the last 2 weeks have been a blanket of humid weather the likes of which I've never seen. Even when the temp was only in the high 70s, the stifling humidity made it feel like you were swimming through an ocean of boiling water instead of walking outdoors.

There were times I actually had to push myself forward in order to move because of the oppressive atmosphere.

Yesterday, all I could think about was an old episode of "The Challenge of the Superfriends" - the Legion of Doom tricked the Justice League of America into turning the surface of the Earth into a super-heated swamp to make it habitable for the evil Fearians from the planet Venus. (Luckily, the JLA was able to thwart the scheme, in case you were worried about the outcome.)

I don't think the humid weather is an alien plot but, then again, I can't say for certain that it isn't.

And yes, in case you're wondering, everything and everyone that I encounter in my adult life can be related back to a television show or movie. Seriously.

Yard work

I'm not the best at keeping up with my yard work. My dad generally shakes his head sadly whenever he visits, dismayed that his son never picked up on his love for yard maintenance.

Every summer, I plan to change. I buy the right products and equipment, and I set a regular schedule for regular yard work. Unfortunately, those plans all go to heck almost immediately. However, I do tend to do the minimum to keep the yard looking at least semi-presentable.

That all serves as the preamble to my story: Last weekend, I cleaned up some bushes/plants/weeds with the trimmer and weedwhacker. (Yes - bushes, plants and weeds all look alike to me. I'm not proud of that, it's just the truth.) When I cleaned the same area last year, I was covered in itchy blotches from some kind of poison oak or vine. This year, I didn't break out for 4 days. I figured I was in the clear but, over the last two days, the telltale itching has started. It is a torturous nightmare.

This could be a good excuse for me to stop doing yard work all-together. Somehow, though, I don't think that reasoning will change that look of disappointment from my dad when he comes to visit.

End of heroism

I saw the new "Incredible Hulk" movie last weekend. While better than the Ang Lee movie, this version was lacking something important to the original comic book story: Heroism.

In the original comic book origin (reflecting the Cold War), Bruce Banner was a scientist working to develop a Gamma bomb for the US Army. When a teenager goes onto the testing field, Banner risks his life to save the boy. He stops the countdown and runs out to move the teen to safety. When the countdown resumes due to a double agent, Banner gets the boy to safety and is bombarded by the gamma radiation.

In the movie (much like the earlier TV program), Banner is a scientist who develops a gamma machine and tests it on himself. In this movie version, it's the result of a Super Soldier study being done by the Army's General Ross.

By eliminating Banner's sacrifice - putting the teen's safety before his own - he is no longer a hero. Instead, he's a sad sack who just has incredibly bad luck. There's no reason to root for him - he's a dangerous fugitive.

The origin is largely taken from Marvel's "Ultimate" universe instead of the mainstream Marvel Universe created by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby and the other creators in the '60s. This Ultimate universe has no real heroes and is, instead, a world of amorality where there's not much difference between the good guys and bad guys. While popular with the ever-aging readership, writers such as Mark Millar and Brian Michael Bendis showcase the worst traits of humanity, writing a world where there the villains are cool and the heroes don't even attempt to be truly heroic.

A large part of the problem is that so many in the current crop of writers (in TV, movies, music, entertainment - including comic books) grew up reading what they now write. In the past, writers would have been familiar with classic literature. Today, it's more important to have in-jokes and clever asides than to write a coherent and meaningful story.

Tony Snow

This past weekend, Tony Snow died. For those of you who don't know, he was a journalist and former White House Press Secretary. I never knew him personally, but I always enjoyed watching him on TV, listening to him on the radio and reading his columns in the newspaper.

As a journalist, there aren't too many people you can look up to in the industry. Snow, though, was definitely a role model for me. I always enjoyed listening him when he was a regular guest host on the Rush Limbaugh radio program - I actually enjoyed his delivery more than Limbaugh's. The same is true for his recent fill-ins on Bill O'Reilly's radio program - he was just easy to listen to and more enjoyable (for me) than the regular host. Too often, the political debate becomes a personal soapbox where the host's ego gets in the way of making a point. I never got that feeling listening to Snow - he was always on target and had an amazing way of crafting an argument.

When he started the Fox News Sunday program, I was a faithful viewer. Here was a Midwest guy talking to all of the political power players, and he made it seem so easy. There wasn't that East or West Coast haughtiness that you hear in the voices of most TV hosts. He seemed like the guy you'd meet at the grocery store and could chat about anything.

When I became a reporter and (later) an editor, I'd take my best stab at writing opinion columns. While my columns about personal issues came easy, the political ones were always a challenge. Having a discussion with someone on a a topic is much different than being able to write a convincing opinion piece. Whether it was in his columns or the monologue at the end of his TV show, though, Snow had a way of combining policy with personality that few could match.

I was very excited when he took over as press secretary. Now was the time for someone to push back against the press corps - someone who could answer the questions and match wits with them. On the rare occasions I would be able to listen to the press conferences, I felt like I was watching a hockey game - waiting for the gloves to drop and a verbal fistfight to begin. Unfortunately, his battle with cancer cut short his time at the White House, but he set a new standard while he was there.

Sadly, the Associated Press took the opportunity to slam Snow even when they were writing about his death. The snide comments directed at him were completely unprofessional and made me glad I'm no longer in the news business. It's too bad those "reporters" couldn't have taken a page from Snow's book and at least attempt to perform their job with the kind of class he always showed.