... and I'm all out of bubblegum

What do you do when your cardiologist tells you to lose 50 pounds? Well, if you're me, you stop going to the cardiologist.

Heart issues run in the family, which is why I see a cardiologist. I've had tests run on me a few times, and it all seems to be A-OK for the most part. Sticking to an exercise routine, though, has not been one of the successes of my adult life. Some poor eating habits, combined with a lot of driving around town when I was a reporter, have led to a waistline that seems to be ever-expanding.

While most people tend to say, "Oh no, you don't need to lose 50," I do look at the scale and I know what weight I'm supposed to hit. Looking at the scale doesn't equate doing something about it, though. I eat fairly healthily, but that isn't cutting it without some kind of serious exercise. I've made commitments in the past - joined a gym (twice), took boxing lessons (not to fight, just to get in shape), but excuses always crop up.

The mirror - or, at least, how I see my reflection - doesn't help. I'm not sure if it's a mental issue or just an inability to see reality, but what I see looks much different than what shows up in photos. Which, of course, is why I rarely allow my photo to be taken.

Will I be able to stick to a workout routine?

Will I actually lose the 50 pounds and be able to make another cardiologist appointment?

Will I be able to shop at one of those weird "for skinny men only" stores?

Let's see how the next few weeks go.

Odds and ends

It's strange to see a grown man throw a full-blown prima donna fit. We've come to expect it on reality TV shows, but I never thought I'd see one in person. Understandably, if you're always told how great you are and your entourage is surrounding you to keep your ego inflated, I suppose that kind of behavior is OK. Still seems odd to me, though ...

My grocery-store cashier this weekend was friendly enough, but I learned way too much about her in the course of a few minutes. She's 62, her mom died at 63 and her dad died at 62; her husband refuses to cut out sugar even though he's diabetic; her sister-in-law died from a disease that causes her blood to create clots; her nieces and nephews have now been diagnosed with the same condition; and her husband refuses to lay off of the red meat. It was a long few minutes.

The return of the turtle

Claude "The Turtle" Lemieux returns to the Joe tonight, when the Sharks come to town to play the Red Wings. It's not the same Turtle - he's older, no longer one of the Avs and is attempting a career comeback - but for many Wings fans, he will always be hated.

For those who don't remember, Lemieux took a cheap shot to the head of Chris Draper during the 1996 playoffs. That cowardly hit left Drapes with a concussion and a broken jaw, cheek and orbital bones - those injuries required extensive reconstructive surgery. The next year (proving the adage "revenge is a dish best served cold"), Darren McCarty pummeled Lemieux during a slobberknocker of a game which had 18 major penalties for fighting and large patches of blood painting the ice. Even the goalies - Vernon and Roy - got into the bloody melee, much to the delight of the Hockeytown fans.

In case you missed the sheer beauty of the March 26, 1997 game, here are some highlights:



I'll watch tonight's game and will boo along with those in attendance each time Lemieux steps on the ice. Welcome back, Turtle.

I like this economist's plan

This plan, while it would never actually be implemented, makes a lot more sense than the "stimulus" bill coming from the feds.

I want to be like Jake Tapper when I grow up.

'Nuff said.

Local TV

It's winter in Michigan, so it must be time for continuous traffic weather reports. While I understand the desire to have on-location shots (it makes for better TV), I wish the "reporters" would at least make an effort.

Here's a tip for our local TV personalities: We know where your station is located. We can tell - just from seeing you on TV - that you're standing in your freakin' parking lot. The road behind you doesn't make you look more adventurous. It's good for a laugh in the morning, though. You stand outside, all bundled up in your carefully-chosen outfit, pretending as if you've been out in the cold for hours. In reality, you just stepped outdoors a couple of minutes ago, and you will hop back inside your studio as soon as your 30 second airtime is up.

Oh, and why did I state "reporter" in quotes? Because you're a TV personality, not a reporter. We all know it, and you'll feel much better if you just admit it to yourself.

More randomness

It's always funny to hear people talk about "stopping the hate" and then hearing them tear into a vicious diatribe against someone on the other side of the political aisle. Do they even realize they are hypocrites?

"Too many cooks spoil the broth." That's a motto that I will have painted onto the walls when I get my new office. I'm not sure if anyone will heed my new motto - which I also might have tattooed onto my arm - but it will help me relax when the next debacle occurs.

What's more important: Excitement or stability? It's pretty much a given that you can't have both. That's a question best left for the bar, I think, when I've had a few more whiskey & cokes.

I'm putting this online just so I actually follow through on it. I'm joining a gym and will sign up for private lessons. Boxing lessons, to be specific - hilarity should ensure. I envision something more along the lines of "Rabbit Punch" instead of "Rocky," though.